According to Fray: Luck

11 Jul

I’m going to steer away from my serious WTF attitude towards some of these scary ass trends I see being sported on the streets of MTL to a general WTF about LUCK.

This has not been a good Monday so far.
I’ve started to set my alarm 3 hours in advance JUST so I can wake up at an appropriate time that will ISH get me to work on time kind of not so much.

Let’s start ‘er off. Montreal today is hot as all f***, and having to commute an hour from the suburbs is already not my idea of GMA happy. So I missed my bus (yes, I take the bus. With moving two houses comes the disappearance of access to automobiles) WHICH I don’t mind considering I have a kick ass new playlist, and a venti tumbler of coffee to enjoy (the one that I didn’t set on fire in my microwave…).

Oh, missed it no biggie. YA BIGGIE it’s 347 degrees Celsuius outside and its 8:30 am…and I’m in a 200$ pique work shirt. Let the profusion of perspiration commence.

Of course my driver thinks that she’s, I don’t know, Miss Daisy or some shit because bitch was driving at a snail’s pace- I’m talking 30 in 30 zones. Who honestly follows speed sings in this province? Where are the reckless, speeding drivers when I need them!

So all’s good in the hood as Nature Feels, a new fave blasts on my i-Pod and I slowly begin to drift  off in to a heat induced coma. BUT NO. All’s not good for long, because obviously it’s TRAFFIC time. West Island (suburban) traffic: it begins and ends in illogical places.

It’s now creeping up on “oh f*** I’m late” o’clock. I hit Atwater, bitch is under construction of course- what are they doing? Who in Christ knows but there’s a hell of a lot of orange cones, and people seem to be doing sweet FA at the work site. Bienvenue.

METRO!  Hey! As if I’m not over this enough. It’s late, and the line and direction I’m going in has a “ralentissement de service,” which is French in Montreal for “we don’t f****** know, but everything just broke” or “bitch just offed herself.” You couldn’t wait? I’M LATE.

Stanley. I’m homefree. 4 minutes ’til opening (did I mention I open the store?). It’s now 348 degrees.

YES. I arrive. The AC is blasting, the chandeliers and gleaming, the elevator music is playing…yet the ELEVATOR is not in service. There is only one elevator to serivce the entire 5 floor buildng and guess what? EVERYONE is late, therefore all rushing to the same floor. Suffice to say I did NOT open at 10am (as I spent the good part of my life in an elevator riding it up and down like I was at a Six Flags).

I’m also wearing bangs today, to top it all off. Why? Dear God, why?

To conclude, LUCK is an asshole if it’s not on your side, and remember, every little thing that  can go wrong will go wrong, so prepare your ass for the worst, but do remember to smile when it’s over. It’ll be a funny story one day…or never.

Recovering from my own life,

Fray x


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